One and Only: The Freedom of Having an Only Child, and the Joy of Being One Paperback – June 17, 2014

Love this book so far! It goes into depth about 'only child syndrome' and debunks a lot of the rumors that have been circulating for years.

I really enjoyed this book. I am glad that the journalist who researched the topic was an only child and so far has chosen an only child for her and her partner. The book explores the false image of women who choose to have only children as selfish and whatnot. However, as an only child in a generation of my family which are also only children it was empowering to read the reasons behind this decision. Its understandable concerning the resources of a family for an only child to be the best option both for financial resources (education, clothing, food, etc.) and time spent with parents alike. However I understand that several factors determine whether a couple decides to have another child, that are more emotional. I am glad that once again my identity as an only child was affirmed, since only children are more successful in their academic achievement, career, and are more mature than those with siblings. As an emerging social scientist I was glad that she provided ethos by carrying discussions with psychologists,sociologists, and economists alike to further explore the reasons in which couples choose to have more children. I definitely suggest this for only children and non-only children alike because there are several cultural factors as well as parental ones which determine the number of children a couple or other forms of families have. More work and attention should be focused on single parents with only children, because as a child of one I am interested in how they function in relation to couples who choose to have one child. Also I would be interested in introversion or extroversion personality traits of only children, perhaps this author could partner or team up with Susan Cain the author of Quiet, The power of introversion in a world that can't stop talking. This was very enjoyable and I will return to it later for quotes and other sources of information. This book should be read by anyone who is interested.

It took me several years to make a decision about my family size, and I enjoyed reading books like this one along the way. You get a lot of crap when you only have one, and it's easier to make the right decision when you have a chance to see actual data. Most people have kids without even thinking about why they're really doing it or why they're having as many as they do. It's a huge, life-changing decision every time you bring new life into the world! I don't understand *not* taking time to really think about it and question why you're doing it in the first place. I'm glad I paused long enough to question the status quo of "if you have one, you should have two." It's a lifestyle choice. Not so you can have a "tiny adult" or "be selfish" or whatever other nonsense people say. I have one, and I don't want to have more and split up our resources.Also...women are told we can "do it all"... but that's a myth. Something has always gotta give. And it all gets more difficult with each additional child. Women are expected to sacrifice everything (like our careers or childhood dreams) when we start having children, then when our daughters grow up, they're expected to follow in our footsteps and basically do it all over again in order to be "good moms". What's the point of sacrificing so much to raise my daughter so she can "reach her full potential", just so she can give everything up in order to have whatever number of children society deems acceptable and continue the cycle of self-sacrifice? I'm not buying into this. I want to model a different way of living and for me that means doing what I love while also raising *one* child.

I am mothering an only (not by choice) and coming from a much-loved and close-knit family of 6 myself I am on a journey to try and understand the realities that await my daughter as an 'only' and how I can best parent her. I thoroughly enjoyed the many resources and the research included in this work and found it intellectually stimulating in that way. It is not a parenting book, as such, although I did pick up a few anecdotal insights that may help me help my daughter along the way. IT MUST BE NOTED that the author has (at this point) CHOSEN to have only one child and so this does (quite heavily at certain points) colour her thinking and arguments AGAINST large families (although in the last pages she does conclude that basically 'to each his own'). As a born-again Christian myself, and one who would have loved to have two or three children had my body allowed, some of the pages from chapter 8 onwards can get a little hard to read and I did find myself debating Ms Sandler quite passionately in my mind! As dangerous and unfair as it is to see mothers with only one child as selfish, career-driven, egotists, it is equally unfair and dangerous to class all mothers with more than two or three children as unintelligent, unenlightened individuals who spend their days up their ears in diapers. We make our own choices and, as was also mentioned in the book, different things allow for greater happiness in different individuals. It would be a sad thing for those of us trying to find a guilt-free path through parenting our only children to break-down those who mother more. On the whole, an excellent read!