The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse: 1 (The Narcissism Series)

Reading this book has been life changing for me. I have read so many other books about narcissism and watched lots of YouTube videos but most of the information out there is on overt narcissism which adds on a layer of doubt and contributes to the cognitive dissonance. Because covert narcissistic abuse is so stealthy, the abuse can go on for decades without us being any the wiser. This book contains a treasure trove of information on not just how to know you are in a covert narcissistic relationship but also information on how to heal and reconnect with yourself which is so very important. Many times the realisation that one is in a covert narcissistic relationship can bring a sense of sadness, loss and grief and we switch between rumination, regret and hopelessness. Debbie reminds us of our inner strength and resilience and for that I am very grateful. Please buy this book if you have even a tiny inkling that you may be in a relationship with a CN. It will be your lifeboat as you navigate the rapids towards your exit!

I cannot recommend this book enough for anyone who has been involved with a covert narcissist. Your first step towards recovery & understanding. This book explains things well & puts the jigsaw together in a well written & easy to understand way,

Very interesting book. It is definitely informative and helps you put together an understanding of your personal experiences. I think it’s really valuable to get an idea of different narcissistic behaviours. It has helped me try and figure out my experience with my ex-husband. For UK readers, it is an American perspective, which is very notable when reading the experience victims have when going through divorce and custody battles for children. These perpetrators seem to have the upper hand in the US, and especially when there is larger income households. In my experience there is a lot of support, understanding and better outcomes for victims in the UK.

I have had no choice but to understand what this disgusting mental illness is as I was born into it. My Father is a cerebral/ extrovert narcissist. He divorced my empathetic mother and is remarried to a covert narcissist. His sister my aunt is a passive aggressive covert narcissist. I have also worked for a spiritual narcissist for 20 years and experienced other full scale classic narcissists by way of my mothers subsequent partners after her divorce. I have been lied to betrayed and abused my whole life and then as an adult suffered a full scale targeted attack nearly losing my wife and my sanity. I am still dealing with the aftermath but am in specialist therapy and have some validation from the people I love who were manipulated against me. Some of the things I have done however (narcissistic fleas) are not easy to forgive. With regards to this book it's bang on. All true. The chapter on divorce basically describes my parents divorce . coincidentally the sudernane the author chose was the same as my mothers. I like the way the author has interviewed many people effected. People have different experiences in someways and the author understands that but shows it's important not to dismiss the evidence and reason it as something else. The sex chapter is interesting to say the least. I'm sure if my mother was still alive she would confirm this. Narcissists wear a mask. As they are in hiding they thus have no accountability, remorse, guilt, regret , shame. They lie , manipulate triangulate, gaslight and destroy happiness where ever they can. However they can. While pretending to be something else. All they want from you is you on your knees begging them to help you. They need you however for supply. As they're true self is buried they have to worship the ego the mask they hide behide. They need peoples attention in the form of pain and distress preferably to validate they're pathetic existence. You are just an object to them. There is no meaningful emotional connection with a narcissist as they have little to no empathy nor the capacity to love or be loved. This book does a great job of describing the covert passive aggressive narcissist in my opinion. At the age of 41 only now have all the pieces of my passed fallen into place and the why I was missing all these years become clear to me. I am no longer a victim I am a survivor . I am No contact. Been informed and aware is half the battle this book can help with that. I wish you well if you got to the end of reading this I know why. Good luck 👍

For readers wanting to recognise and deal with the covert form of narcissism, this is a very good book. She describes the typical patterns very well and gives a comprehensive view of their various manipulation strategies. Like other authors, she stresses the need to listen to your body's responses to being with the covert narcissist and to learn to trust those feelings. Mirza takes this perspective a stage further by claiming that your feelings during and after sex with the covert narcissist is a key decoder of the truth of the relationship. In my experience, this assertion has validity and could form the basis of an important research study. The Achilles heal of most books on narcissism is the attempt to explain the deep causation of the behavioural patterns. Mirza's strategy with this is quite smart. She touches on some plausible explanations and then states (p 148) "We don't really know for sure why and it doesn't really matter." and, on the following page "Remember, they do have free will. They have choices just like we do." Although this is a shade dissatisfying for a psychotherapist who might be working with a covert narcissist (a rare event!), for the general reader of this book, I think this perspective is spot on. What would strengthen the book is more emphasis and material on how to confront and set boundaries with the covert narcissist - i.e. how to give "tough love".

This book is a total game changer. Wish I’d read it years ago. Overwhelmingly tough read though. It’s like it’s written about my life with him, the stages, the scenarios, the conversations, all of it. Sometimes I could only read a paragraph at a time and had to stop to process it. Everything I couldn’t put my finger on for years and years became crystal clear. And still weeks later memories pop into my head from years ago that I had long forgotten about, they all slot into place with the behaviours the book lays bare. Reading that I was groomed was one of the tougher parts. His discard phase was nothing short of abhorrently nasty and bitter. Thankfully our cycle was 20 years, not more, and I’m on my way back. I have survived, and I will thrive. No matter how hard he is still trying to crush me, disparage me, cause chaos daily and tries to shame me. I know who I am and what he’s done and tries to continue doing. As do others now. The illusion is broken and I am going to be free. The best £10 I have ever spent

I have read a lot book, this one is not the best. Better find a book which is written by writer with psychology background.

If you want to know if someone you love, your partner, boss, parent, sister is a Covert Narcissist THIS book can’t be missed. This is the best book I’ve read from many on the Covert Narcissist. It’s written in plain non-psycho babble wording. It outlines everything you need to know from traits to specific techniques of abuse and cycles this Narcissist puts you through. I broke a cardinal rule for this paperback... Shock! I underlined and highlighted everywhere! With a pen! Arrest-able offence I know. I had to! It was like the author spoke directly to me. Every question I’ve ever had was answered. I’ve had Narcissistic people, both overt and Covert in my life all my life and only now am recognising this abuse that wears you down until there is not a bit of spark left in you. Understanding what you are up against and that a true Narcissist CANNOT and rarely changes can help you start to heal. You can’t apply logic to these people. You are part of a horrible painful cruel game. Sad but true. The author really cares for the reader, those under Narcissist bonds. It really comes across. Every word of this book made sense, brought revelation and clarity. I read this for myself and partly for research for a novel I’m writing. It exceeded all expectations. It’s the only book on Covert Narcissism you need. Five stars. Long Listed for my Top 18 Books of 2018. Get this book. Even if you suspect a Covert Narcissist is in your life. This could be life changing for you.

Mirza does a fantastic job of explaining how these people operate. She breaks it down in a way that's easy to understand, even if you don't have a psychology degree. You'll find yourself nodding along, thinking, "That's exactly what happened to me!" But this book isn't just about pointing fingers. It's also about healing. Mirza offers practical advice on how to recover from the emotional damage caused by these toxic relationships. It's like having a supportive friend by your side, helping you piece your life back together. Whether you're questioning your own relationship or already on the road to recovery, this book provides invaluable insights and support. Mirza's compassionate approach makes it feel like you have a trusted friend guiding you through the healing process.

Interesting book, good as introduction

Caratteristiche tecniche = Pacco ricevuto in tempi brevi e ottime condizioni. Stampa grossa che sa di autoproduzione. Argomento = Sono appassionata di psicologia e personalmente preferisco approcci più accademici e dettagliati, per questo mi ha un po' annoiato. Mi rendo conto di aver sbagliato io nelle aspettative, perché il testo è dichiaratamente rivolto alle vittime degli abusi narcisistici, e ad aiutarle nel riconoscere ed affrontare queste problematiche, non ad accademici. Non me la sento quindi di dare un brutto voto per questo, perché penso che svolga il suo lavoro con efficacia. Forse nell'ottica del supporto, avrei scritto qualche esempio in più, dando meno spazio alla parte di incoraggiamento, per un migliore bilanciamento contenutistico.

Es un libro que te abre los ojos! Es genial para identificar relaciones personales narcisistas y cómo crear límites. Lo único es que está mayormente enfocado a las relaciones de pareja, pero me parece genial para identificar esas interacciones e tu circulo que no son tan obvias por ser pasivo-agresivas. Me abrió mucho los ojos y me dio pie a orientarme a qué continuar a leer.

I learned a lot and was touched by the author’s genuine heart to help those were targeted by CNs. Thank you, Debbie!