The Sweet By and By: Five Women in a Nursing Home Find Friendship, Courage, and Humor in Life and Death – A Novel

I wasn't sure about this at first but it turned out to be one of the loveliest and poignant books I have read.

It is only July but I believe that I have just finished what could be the best novel that I will read this year. This book is The Sweet By and By by Todd Johnson. The Sweet By and By is one of those rare books that will touch your heart and leave you thinking about it long after you're done.The primary locale of Johnson's book is the Ridgecrest Nursing Home in eastern North Carolina. Each chapter is written through the eyes of one of four women--Lorraine, Margaret, Rhonda and April. These four, along with Bernice (who does not have a voice as she suffers from dementia--although she sometimes makes the most sense), forge a fast friendship that transcends race, age, fortune, and past experiences. All have scars from their past and Rhonda, especially, has been taught that she is not worthy of love or happiness. But they all bring joy to each other, and as Bernice says, "Life is choosing whom and what you love. Everything else follows."In The Sweet By and By, Todd Johnson does everything well. You will laugh at the antics of sassy Margaret and sweet Bernice, two residents who aren't afraid to challenge the status quo. You will delight in the sage wisdom of LPN Lorraine, who seems wise beyond her years. And your heart will melt when Rhonda (a hair-stylist) learns to believe in herself. But where Johnson truly excels is in his beautiful prose that often reads like poetry. When I read a book, I keep a list of quotes that touch me in some way. After reading The Sweet By and By, I had pages of them. I am hard pressed to give just a few examples. When Lorraine is describing her parents' separation, she says "That day I would learn that you don't always leave people because you hate them, but instead because you cannot bear the burden of them. The agony of my daddy's living was my mother's slow dying, and she was not ready to die." Or when Margaret describes her marriage, "My husband was a good man. I did not love him, but he was good. I reckon I was waiting for a real valentine, and what I found was Charles Clayton...My heart never changed, but it did soften, with time, and I found some room for him in it that I didn't know I had." Lorraine's daughter April, watches her mother and her son together and thinks "Watching them, I could believe in life, and God, seeing in them that age could be fashioned into a gold crown in the hands of love. And I could be assured that my mother's wonder had rooted itself in me, so deeply that I would feel her presence always, in the dignity she bestowed as carelessly as rainwater or falling stars."One of Johnson's gifts to us in The Sweet By and By is his writing about aging and the elderly with such compassion and dignity. In fact, I understand that groups that deal with the aged are using this book as a teaching tool. For whatever your reason for reading, I can't recommend it enough.

Thanks to former "critics", and to the author for a life-changing look into aging, nursing homes, and life beyond youth. My 100 year old grandmother recently landed in a care home with a broken back, a kidney infection, advanced arthritis, and is now legally blind. She has, as she puts it, "all her marbles", and after nearly half her life independant (and having lived in Africa as a dorm mother for 6 years), this has been a terrible adjustment. She's moving to a better care home in our town this week. I ordered the book because it's where I'm living right now. In the moment. As I type, her clothes are in the wash for the move.It has been a troubling, heart-wrenching journey. This past weekend we visited her former apartment, where she'd lived for more than three decades, to gather the clothes and things for her new life in the care home in my town. What does this have to do with the book?I have a new understanding of what some of her feelings might be. Through Margaret and Lorraine, I have an idea of how to "be" when I am with her, which can be more frequently now that she'll be close. I understand the importance of dignity, and the indignities of growing old. I have already spoon fed her at times, but now will be more mindful and thankful when doing so. And I'm shopping for some new clothes for her. Looking good still matters to many women, regardless of age.Many of us didn't have a Lorraine in our lives. We may have known a few Margarets or Bernices. Some of us are Anns, and some are Aprils, and a few are Rhondas of the world. Some may even be Connie's or Atheas. Some might be Clayton's wife... or Alvin, or Clayton, or Mike or whomever. What this book taught me is whether or not your're one of the above, there is a process.As I read, I smiled, laughed, and--yes--cried. That's the mark of a powerful novel in my experience. One that you read into the wee hours of the morning, until your eyes burn and will no longer cooperate. A novel you then dream about and finish reading when you wake up.My favorite line in the book (I won't hint or tell, find it!): "If you ever want to feel full in this life, you're gon have to ask if you might be made for somethin bigger than yourself. And when you can answer that, the only other question is what are you gon do about it."I'm buying more copies of this novel to leave with staff at the care center my grandmother is moving to in town. I'm not parting with my own copy. And I hope to always carry this particular story with me. Thank you again to Mr. Johnson, to former reviewers, and to Amazon.

I laughed and cried so many times I lost count.Todd Johnson can weave so many beautiful words together, words that reach all the way to the bottom of your soul, one simply cannot believe how perfect they are. So many glorious sentences where I had to go back and read them once more, they were so profoundly magical. Often I could barely breathe.He must own a crystal ball to know how old people think and feel because ten years now since this book was published, his words resonate that much more today. I kept seeing my late mother in the Ridgecrest Home, not Bernice, Margaret, Lorraine, nor Rhonda, and I could easily picture myself there. Someday.When that time comes, I hope and pray a cantankerous and wise woman as strong as Lorraine will be by my bedside to hold my hand and help me face each new day.Share this story. It's a keeper.

great

You will change the way you think about aging and older people, your parents and your grandparents. A must read!

This is the story of five southern ladies who work and live at the Ridgecrest Nursing Center in eastern North Carolina. Margaret is the daughter of a Baptist Preacher and tobacco farmer. She is as smart as a whip, tough and feels angry at her life in a nursing home. She is in a wheelchair for the most part. Someone has to feed her every bite she eats and someone has to change her clothes like a baby.She can be very difficult but she says "so what if I am? I didn't ask to be here, surrounded by linoleum, blinded by fluorescent lights or left alone in pure black darkness."Bernice is a patient who suffers with dementia. She has a stuffed monkey toy who she talks to and carries around with her wherever she goes. She has named him Mister Benny. She feels protected and safe with Mister Benny.If anything should happen to Mr. Benny, I hate to think what would happen to Bernice.Lorraine is a "Practical Nurse" and not a "real nurse" as Margaret would say. She is a church-going and God-Questioning nurse. She is very kind to her patients and knows very well the goings on in a nursing home.She has seen them come and go and talk to their stuffed animals. Lorraine always says regarding Bernice " let her go, she'll come back when she's good and ready." But as ma always says, "I don't care who you are, SICK and OLD are coming to see you whether you invite them or not."April is Lorraine's daughter. She has earned a scholarship to study medicine at Shaw University in Raleigh. Lorraine is very proud of her daughter and their relationship is one of respect and love.Rhonda is a sassy hairdresser who comes to the nursing home to do the patients' hair. She has problems of her own, but comes only on her day off so she can earn money to one day buy her own hair salon. At first, she has a hard time with seeing patients with memory problems and talking to toys, but with time she learns to adapt and even gets to like and care about them.As we age our roles will change from caregiver to receiving aid. This story is about how we live and die, and love and forgive.Todd Johnson's book is written with love, tenderness and respect for the elderly. The Sweet By and By is perfectly written. It is exactly how I found it to be.I say this because I felt as though I was revisiting my dear mother Ruth's final home, the Nursing Home, where she had spent the last two years of her life. I remember meeting lovely ladies as Bernice and Margaret. And I also met the "Practical Nurse"/Prepose, the very hard working, kind and dear, dear Lorraine, whose services we could not do without.I loved this book and everything about it. I can HIGHLY recommend it.

I really enjoyed this book. Five women whose lives revolved around each other. I laughed, I cried, I couldn't put it down. I hope I have a Lorraine in my nursing home when I get older.